Post Partum Fatigue

I just delivered a baby. Not a literal one but a figurative one. I told your earlier this summer that I just finished writing a book. I thought that once it was published and available to the masses, I would have more time to commit to the other things in my life, like this blog and the website to name a few. Unbeknownst to me, the past few months would have a life of their own.

If you have enjoyed the blessing of delivering a child, you know that giving birth is exhausting. A week or so after my last entry, I had an interview and then two book signings, both of which were recorded. I’ve been meeting new people and hearing how my story has impacted them and given voice to the story of their lives. It’s truly been humbling to see how God has moved.

On paper, I’m sure you’re wondering what the problem is. Well, here’s the issue. I’m a huge introvert and I’d rather hide in the corner of any room, rather than be front and center. So, after I have engaged in extroverted activities, I’m drained and all I want is peace and quiet so that I can reset. That has not been my reality. You know those few moments after they place your baby in your arms and they snuggle in your arms and you’re just in awe. You sit and just watch them and they’re just the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. Then a few days later, the screaming starts, the stinky diapers roll in and you wonder if you’ll ever sleep again. That’s where I’ve found myself recently.

Between the book, ministry demands, work and family, the past few months have been akin to adjusting to the midnight feedings and mountains of diapers and onesies and running on fumes. The difference this time though was that I didn’t have any maternity leave where I had the opportunity to settle into this new season and adjust. Instead, I’ve had to keep on moving and pouring out, even though I’m in desperate need of a vacation!

After Elijah fought the priests of Baal, he was so exhausted, he was delirious. God made him eat and sleep before He would even talk to him. (I Kings 17) After mothers give birth, there only a few hours to rest, if that. They have to kick into gear as the sole source of everything that baby needs so they begin the long journey of nurturing the baby so that they can become everything they were created to be. And let’s be honest, that journey doesn’t stop once they’re weaned and potty trained. Mothers are called to nurture and support their children through every phase of life and there’s no manual or operating procedure that captures everything that comes along the way. So, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and to miss out on the joy and beauty in each precious moment. I feel the same way in this season.

I haven’t had the time to really stop and rest because things at work are crazy! Even when I try to take time off, a new fire ignites and they’ve been so strategically set by the enemy. On the morning I was waiting for my book to be published, Ryan’s birthday, one of my sergeants contacted me about a two-month-old baby who was in the hospital fighting for her life. A few weeks ago, I listened to a sermon about the Shulamite woman whose son died in her arms, just like Ryan, but his life was restored. He wants me to give into worry and fear and anger because he knows that will undermine my peace.

I realized though the other day when I was out for a walk, while the circumstances may be different, it’s just another attack and it’s from the same playbook.

After the birth of every one of my children, there was a season when I had to battle the enemy who was literally trying to kill me and my babies. Not one of my deliveries with my children was without incident. Xavier spent a week in the NICU when he was born with an infection they couldn’t find. Ryan’s story is well documented and Mason almost died not once, but twice. Each of them has a call and purpose for their lives and the enemy knew it and tried to stomp out their purpose during their infancy, and he’s trying to do the same thing again now.

I don’t know why I thought this experience would be different. I thought the battle was over when the book almost didn’t come out. I didn’t realize that it was just the beginning. Now that my eyes have been opened, I can clearly see the remedy and it is still the same: physical rest and spiritual renewal.

Thank God, I can also see the attacks the enemy is sending my way. So, I don’t have to be surprised or cower in fear, wondering how or if it’s all going to work out. I’m just going trust, rest and sit back and watch my Heavenly Father go to work, in anticipation of the testimony that will come on the other side of this leg of the journey, and on my way through to the other side. God is in control of it all and He will continue to watch over me and shepherd me along the path that He’s prepared and He will continue preparing me for the way.

During difficult seasons, I’ve always loved the passage in the Isaiah that says,

“but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)(ESV)

It’s always encouraged me to get what a friend of mind calls “a second wind” for the journey. It’s because when you are soaring through the stratosphere like an eagle, you can have a better perspective on your circumstances. It helps you to see that this is only a part of your story and that your circumstances don’t define you or your God. God is still in control and He’s still the master strategist.

Maybe you’ve been reading this and thinking about the resistance you’ve been facing in your life. You have this vision, this business, the ministry, this project to which you’ve desperately been trying to give life. But every time you take two steps forward, the enemy knocks you down on your knees, in an effort to discourage or derail you. You have bought his lies and believed that you’re not good enough, not smart enough, or not rich enough to succeed, when the truth is that you have everything you need to succeed. In fact, it’s already done, because God has already gone before you to prepare the way. You just have to start believing it and walking it out.

The enemy keeps trying to throw roadblocks and detours in your way hoping that you’ll give up. He is persistent, but he’s not original. He wants to keep you on your heels, always running, always tired, so you don’t have time or energy to figure out that he’s just up to his same old tricks. He’s always playing checkers. Get some rest and watch God beat him at chess. We’ve bought the lie that we have to do it all and we leave the triune God, our best player riding the bench. When in actuality, this was never our game to play. That’s why we’re so tired. We’ve been weighed down with doubt and fear and God’s saying to you, I’ve got this. Why don’t you sit this one out; watch from the side lines. Trust me! They’re the best seats in the house and the view is great from up here. Don’t be weary in well-doing. If God gave you the vision, it will come to past.