The Waiting Season

(In a moment a full transparency, I intended to publish this last Monday! Let's just say it's been a week! The good news is that you'll get to binge two posts in a row and I won't leave you in suspense. 🙂)

Even at this point on my journey, I still hate waiting. I know eventually God will come through and that there’s purpose in the waiting, but the waiting season is still excruciatingly painful for me. That sense is heightened when it’s something I desperately want, and maybe even need, and if I’m honest, deep down inside I’m wondering whether God will come through. Sometimes, it’s whether He will come through when I want Him to, and other times it’s will He come through at all or does He have a completely different plan in mind.

In my mind I know that God’s plans are always better. Experientially, I know His plans always workout for my God.  In my mind I know that His ways and His thoughts are unsearchable and so much higher than my thoughts and ways. I know all of this intellectually, but in my heart, the one that’s been disappointed in the waiting, the one that’s been broken in the waiting, I still find myself triggered when I have to wait.

I find myself in another one of those seasons. No one’s life hangs in the balance this time. I know in my heart, that the world is not going to come tumbling down around me, but there are some things I desperately want to happen this week and as it looks right now, I don’t know if it’s going to take place.

There’s a part of me that feels like I will have let people down because they’re waiting on me. There are literally hurting people waiting on me and right now I can’t come through for them and that hurts me. It’s the 10-year-old in me that hates to disappoint others. Then I say to myself, it’s not all about me. It’s never been all about to me. None of this is a surprise to God and if I believe that God goes before me and prepares the way for me, then what am I worried about? I have literally done everything I can do and I’m this close to the finish line. I know that the enemy is trying one last push to discourage me because he knows that he can’t block what God has already prepared so when it comes down to it, I have a choice. I can trust God with what I can’t do or I can fall in to the enemy’s trap and spend the waiting period anxious and despondent. I think I’ll chose to trust God. I’ve given the enemy enough of my time. He doesn’t deserve one second more. God will come through when it’s time for God to come through, and when He does, I truly believe that it’s going to blow my mind. Until then, I’ll wait expectantly for Him to show up, when I least expect it and I’ll keep my eyes stayed upon Him in the meantime.